I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
