he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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