Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
