he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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