Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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