angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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