yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
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