I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
