You're my little dorito
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
