Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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