Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
