Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?