his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.