i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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