At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
