i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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