I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
