when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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