I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
