just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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