hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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