i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
