Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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