I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
