i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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