We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
