Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
