I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
