I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i've created a new STD.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
