she looked like the before picture.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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