tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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