There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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