I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
