Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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