im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
