I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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