if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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