yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
