If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
