My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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