I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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