I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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