You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
