I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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