I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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