You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.