McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.