So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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