i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"