people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
