I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
