NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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