She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize