My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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