I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Holy shit dude........stairs
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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