do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
