please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
