so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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