I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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