So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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