After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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