I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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